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[sonofzod]

art by sdeeys

UN: Superman

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[sonofzod]

[ Hernan is ultimately unconcerned about the beast. Kirk is strong. Hernan is fortunately stronger. He's gentle in the way he sets Kirk down on the bed when he gets him home. The nanites would heal him, he just needed a few minutes. ]

[godsandbats]

[The beast is stubborn and his fangs are still out. He's weak though and won't be leaving anytime soon. The nanites in his body are working overtime to patch him up but it'll still take time]

He...Hernan?

[He reaches to try to take off his goggles and helmet]

[sonofzod]

I'm here, Kirk.

[ He appears in the doorway of the bedroom then crosses the room toward the bed. ]

How are you feeling?

[godsandbats]

[Kirk tosses aside his helmet and goggles and winces from the act. His arm drops back down on the bed]

Awful. Hungry.

[But clearly in no shape to move]

[sonofzod]

I'll get you something to eat.

[ He won't be gone long. He'll pop into a blood bank and be back before Kirk even realizes he's gone. ]

But Kirk you cannot leave the house for now.

[godsandbats]

[Kirk turns his head to look at Hernan, studying him. If only he could bite him again. But logically, he knows he can't. Instead, he looks away again. His head is swimming. It's still a blur with what he had done with Vander and Clive]

I promise. I won't leave.

[His feelings are a mess but at least he can say that much. Even if he wanted to leave, he physically can't]

[sonofzod]

[ He couldn't hear anyone following them when he brought Kirk home still-]

If you need me just yell for me. You know I will hear it.

[ When he's outside, he takes off like a bullet. Breaking into the blood bank is the easy part. He pockets as many bags of blood as he can carry before heading back. When he returns, he offers Kirk a few. The rest he'll store in the fridge. ]

Do you remember what happened?

[godsandbats]

[Kirk takes a bag, makes a cut into it with his fangs and starts to drink. The beast needs to be quieted and his nanites need the extra blood to patch him up sooner. Once he feels he has a little more strength, he answers in a quiet tone and tries to sort out his memories and feelings]

I... I was hungry. I didn't plan this.

[sonofzod]

I know.

[ He doesn't need the finer details to believe it. He knows Kirk. He doesn't act like this. ]

Vander is dead.

[godsandbats]

[Kirk's expression deepens into despondency and he stops drinking. It's what he had suspected happened amongst that blur of chaotic memories]

Should've left me.

[sonofzod]

I would never have left you.

[ He hadn't meant to be so blunt about it. He just had no other way of saying it. ]

You weren't yourself.

[godsandbats]

But it was me. It's been me since the night I transformed.

[Kirk takes a slow breath and drink some more before speaking again]

It's not right how easy it is for everyone and I have to be under more restrictions.

[sonofzod]

I know.

[ Earth's not made for people like them. Never has been. They've had to carve out their places. Set their own rules and boundaries. ]

It takes its toll on you. That doesn't mean you were in your right mind back there. You care about other people, Kirk. Vander was your friend.

[godsandbats]

[Darkly]

Apparently didn't care enough.

[Deep regret rises up in Kirk though]

[sonofzod]

Don't do this to yourself, Langstrom.

[ It's happened. He cannot dwell on it or it will drag him down. ]

We will figure this out.

[godsandbats]

[The sad and self-loathing expression Kirk has suggests he has serious doubts about that]

He's right. I'm a monster.

[sonofzod]

Why? Because someone who does not know you said so?

[ Hernan finally sits down on the bed. ]

[godsandbats]

I turned against someone I cared about like a rabid animal. I tried to rip out his throat like he was another prey. All I was thinking about was how much I needed to eat.

[He can even still smell the dried blood on him]

[sonofzod]

And don't you think that's strange, Kirk? You've never been like this. Even at your lowest. You hunted criminals, people who attacked you first.

[ He hunted animals instead of people. Chose a rat over harming someone who didn't deserve it. ]

That was not you, Kirk. I don't believe that.

[ because if it is - if this is who he is now - Hernan did not want to think about what that meant. What he might have to do. He refused. ]

[godsandbats]

[Kirk is quiet as he tries to put his thoughts together and makes sense of what Hernan says. He's right. He's always gone through such lengths to avoid civilians. Took to eating rats and stealing from blood banks many times than to attack civilians, even when the latter felt like the "easier" option.

But then another thought comes to him. And he speaks again in a quiet tone]

The temptation has always been there, even before we ever came to Etraya. The... so-called easier option.

[sonofzod]

You dealt with it. You didn't let it control you.

[ He shakes his head. ]

[godsandbats]

[In a sad and regretful tone]

This time I did.

[Or at least that's what it feels like]

[sonofzod]

Not you. Whatever has changed you did this.

[godsandbats]

[Kirk goes quiet again to try to piece together more of his thoughts. Sometimes, it's difficult to separate the facts from the feelings. Not for the first time he's grateful that Hernan's around to be a sounding board]

The temptation was always there. I've thought before about how much easier it would be for me if I just... unleashed. Recently the frustration and the madness felt more acute. More visceral.

[Kirk frowns]

Normally, we rarely argue.

[sonofzod]

[ He nods, it made sense. What's changed for them recently? Coming here. ]

I know. You've been feeling frustration and I have...I don't know. I've felt less inclined to resort to killing. It's still an option, but not the first option.