[ There is something macabre about this conversation so soon after what's happened to Vander. He liked Vander. Enough to even call him a friend. But grief is a strange thing. It had a way of tipping the scales. And at the moment, it's tipping in Kirk's favor. Hernan just wants to make sure he's alright. ]
A little on the nose, I'll admit. Maybe we can try something a little more subtle.
[Kirk softly huffs. It's quite the mood whiplash and his grief and self-loathing will reassert itself soon enough. But for now, he's distracted enough]
Like what? Cuddling on the couch and morning kisses?
[The tone is dry as defense mechanism but maybe he's open to the idea]
[Kirk's heart pounds again. He's once again well aware of Hernan's unique scent too. A small part of Kirk wants to hope and just go for it. It wants to just full embrace one of the few people in the world who unconditionally accepts him. But another part of Kirk remains wary. It's the part of him that's been scarred by heartache and betrayals]
It... could be nice. But I'm not like Bekka or any of those other women you've slept with. And not just because I'm a man.
If I wanted you to be like Bekka, we wouldn't be having this conversation.
[ He listens to the way Kirk's heart beats, the pace and rhythm and cadence and it reminds him of that first meeting on the docks. His heart beat like that then too. It's not often he's this sincere, so when he is, it means something. ]
[Hernan's words about Kirk being enough as he is makes Kirk's heart flutter. He too is reminded of the night they met. Hernan being so genuine in helping Kirk felt like the beginnings of something significant. It turned out to be the beginning of a close friendship that's still going strong over a decade later. Now here they were talking about being closer and again, Kirk feels as though this could be the beginning of something important.
The cynical and wary part of Kirk could list off all the reasons on how and why this is a stupid endeavor. It doesn't take much for him to be rabid. He's socially awkward and prefers the dark and quiet. He's far weaker. He's inexperienced in romance and sex.
But Hernan doesn't talk like this to just anyone.
Kirk looks up at Hernan with nervous red eyes and hope wanting to fly out of his chest]
I... You're enough for me too.
[For a moment Kirk hesitates. But he then reaches out to hold Hernan's hand, wanting more assurances that they both want to try to explore this new phase of their bond]
[ it's true Hernan's Kirk's opposite in just about every way imaginable. Boisterous and haughty. He loved it when eyes were on him and he was showered with praise and adulation. He thrived in the spotlight in ways Bekka and Kirk did not. But there'd only ever been a few people whose attention really mattered. Whose opinion he truly cared about. One of them is sitting right next to him, reaching for his hand and Hernan let's him take it. ]
Some people say I'm too much. Good to know you can handle me.
[As upset as Kirk is with himself, Hernan's ridiculous self-confidence and humor manages to get Kirk to make a small smile. Perhaps it's another sign that they should be together. He softly huffs]
I was bound to learn after over a decade of being with you. Maybe that's another way I'm different from your previous partners.
[ The humor doesn't leave, but it lightens. His expression evens out, the smile loses some of its jest. He cares what other people think. If he didn't, he wouldn't be in Lois' face all the time about her articles. He wouldn't spend obsessive hours watching Lex Luthor berate him on national television.
He knows Kirk doesn't think he's one. But well maybe Kirk isn't the only one here who'd like a little reassurance. ]
[Kirk senses the mood shift. There's still that sarcastic dry humor Hernan likes to use a defense mechanism but it's not like a steel wall this time. Kirk feels weight in Hernan's words]
Monsters don't rescue children from cartels. Monsters don't care if innocent lives are caught in the crossfire. Monsters don't feel guilty over accidentally hurting their sister when they were just a child.
[Kirk squeezes Hernan's hand, hoping to emphasize the reassurance, even if he can't provide physical warmth]
Alternatively, maybe it takes a monster to deeply sympathize and help another monster even though he didn't have to and could've easily overpowered the other.
[There’s still that hesitation and Kirk briefly wonders if this is too good to be true. But it’s been exhausting how wild his emotions have swung in the last few hours. So if only for just this moment, Kirk lets himself drink in Hernan’s warmth.
He leans into Hernan’s touch]
And I’ve been by your side for years because I know you’re a good man who does good things for others. I’ve seen it for myself. And you were raised by humble, good people. It doesn’t matter to me what public opinion is. They haven’t witnessed how you really are like I have.
[ Sometimes, it's really easy to forget how kind the world could be. His mother had been kind and so had his sister and for a long time, he believed they were the only people who were. After a lifetime of rejection, Hernan learned not to expect anything from anyone.
And then he met Kirk and it made his world feel not so narrow. It had to expand to make room for him after all. ]
[Kirk sighs tiredly before finishing the blood bag. Hernan is right. Today has been too much for him to take. He want to be done with this mission. He's tired of constantly battling himself]
[Kirk is surprised that Hernan is climbing into bed with him. He had expected Hernan to just sit by his bedside for a bit or maybe even just be elsewhere in the house while Kirk slept. It might take some time before Kirk is used to their new more emotional relationship status.
He can't really complain though now that it's abundantly clear how much he enjoys literally sleeping with Hernan. Once Hernan settles in, Kirk curls up right with him, enjoying his warmth as usual]
[ There'd been a time, when he was a little boy, that he'd sought the warmth and comfort of his big sister. When the nightmares were too much for an 4 and 5 and 6 and 7 year old to endure. Before that deep sense of pride finally woke up inside of him, he would curl in close to Valentina and fall asleep feeling safe again.
Maybe Kirk doesn't feel like he had back then. But it didn't really matter. If Hernan can be there for him like this, he would. And more importantly, he wants to be. When he's close, Hernan thinks nothing of dropping a kiss on his forehead, arm resting on his waist so Kirk would know he's here. And he's not going anywhere. ]
[There's a soft inhale from Kirk when Hernan kisses his forehead. It's another thing he hadn't expected but finds himself drawn to. He peels off his gloves and tosses them aside before caressing Hernan's cheek with a pale, cool hand. He welcomes Hernan's hand on his waist.
For a few moments he lies in comfortable silence and embrace with the person he's closest to. Perhaps he'll never fully understand why he's been treated with so much kindness for so many years but he's grateful for it.
He takes a chance and kisses Hernan on the cheek, as further proof of how much Hernan means to him]
[ He leans into that cool touch. He runs warm enough that Kirk's cold hands do not bother him. He's powered by the sun, after all. That kindness comes from a quiet place of caring. The bravado could outshine it, but it was there - steady and undeniable - for the people who mattered the most. And there was no one in Etraya that mattered to him more than Kirk.
Hernan smiles at Kirk's kiss to his cheek and leans forward to brush his forehead against Kirk's. ]
[Kirk has so many questions. Will he ever fully tame the beast? Will he really be able to stay by Hernan's side no matter what happens? Is he now Hernan's first boyfriend? How long has Hernan felt this way about him? Is this really love again? It feels almost like with Tina and Will again except more... firm and unambiguous this time.
Kirk will ponder these uncertainties and anxieties later though. After everything that just happened, Kirk wants to feel secure and safe again in something. Being in Hernan's arms and intimately touching each other feels right.
Hernan's smile and touches are enough for Kirk to give a small smile back. He then gentle nuzzles against him]
[ In this quiet moment, none of that really mattered. It could be sorted out later, when they've had time to rest and regroup and find their footing again. Even if they feel the same, Hernan can admit there's been a shift between them. A seismic change in their trajectory. He's comfortable with it. Confident in it. They'd always found their way out of anything.
They'd be okay.
Hernan smiles when Kirk nuzzles against him, arm sliding a lazy pattern up his back to comfort him and lull him to sleep. They could talk when he woke up. Right now, this is perfect. ]
[Between Hernan's reassuring touches, his familiar scent, and his warmth, it doesn't take long for Kirk to begin to drift off to sleep. He's emotionally wrung out but as always, Hernan is there to support and comfort him. Maybe it was only natural that they've taken this next step in their relationship.
So much to think about but for now, Kirk chooses to just fall asleep in Hernan's arms]
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A little on the nose, I'll admit. Maybe we can try something a little more subtle.
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Like what? Cuddling on the couch and morning kisses?
[The tone is dry as defense mechanism but maybe he's open to the idea]
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[ He leans in close, bumps his shoulder against Kirk's. ]
Good night kisses too.
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It... could be nice. But I'm not like Bekka or any of those other women you've slept with. And not just because I'm a man.
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[ He listens to the way Kirk's heart beats, the pace and rhythm and cadence and it reminds him of that first meeting on the docks. His heart beat like that then too. It's not often he's this sincere, so when he is, it means something. ]
You are enough as you are.
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The cynical and wary part of Kirk could list off all the reasons on how and why this is a stupid endeavor. It doesn't take much for him to be rabid. He's socially awkward and prefers the dark and quiet. He's far weaker. He's inexperienced in romance and sex.
But Hernan doesn't talk like this to just anyone.
Kirk looks up at Hernan with nervous red eyes and hope wanting to fly out of his chest]
I... You're enough for me too.
[For a moment Kirk hesitates. But he then reaches out to hold Hernan's hand, wanting more assurances that they both want to try to explore this new phase of their bond]
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Some people say I'm too much. Good to know you can handle me.
[ he grins, he can't help himself sometimes. ]
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I was bound to learn after over a decade of being with you. Maybe that's another way I'm different from your previous partners.
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I suppose I'll have to develop a new personality to keep you on your toes.
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[His tone seems dry but Kirk's fingers softly curl with Hernan's]
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[ The humor doesn't leave, but it lightens. His expression evens out, the smile loses some of its jest. He cares what other people think. If he didn't, he wouldn't be in Lois' face all the time about her articles. He wouldn't spend obsessive hours watching Lex Luthor berate him on national television.
He knows Kirk doesn't think he's one. But well maybe Kirk isn't the only one here who'd like a little reassurance. ]
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Monsters don't rescue children from cartels. Monsters don't care if innocent lives are caught in the crossfire. Monsters don't feel guilty over accidentally hurting their sister when they were just a child.
[Kirk squeezes Hernan's hand, hoping to emphasize the reassurance, even if he can't provide physical warmth]
Alternatively, maybe it takes a monster to deeply sympathize and help another monster even though he didn't have to and could've easily overpowered the other.
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I sympathize because you are a good man who does good things for others. That is who you are, Kirk. Not whatever happened out there.
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He leans into Hernan’s touch]
And I’ve been by your side for years because I know you’re a good man who does good things for others. I’ve seen it for myself. And you were raised by humble, good people. It doesn’t matter to me what public opinion is. They haven’t witnessed how you really are like I have.
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And then he met Kirk and it made his world feel not so narrow. It had to expand to make room for him after all. ]
You should rest. It's been a long day.
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Okay. Will you stay?
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[ He expects Kirk to ask. So he makes himself comfortable on the bed and there's space for Kirk to curl up with him. ]
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He can't really complain though now that it's abundantly clear how much he enjoys literally sleeping with Hernan. Once Hernan settles in, Kirk curls up right with him, enjoying his warmth as usual]
Thank you.
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Maybe Kirk doesn't feel like he had back then. But it didn't really matter. If Hernan can be there for him like this, he would. And more importantly, he wants to be. When he's close, Hernan thinks nothing of dropping a kiss on his forehead, arm resting on his waist so Kirk would know he's here. And he's not going anywhere. ]
Any time.
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For a few moments he lies in comfortable silence and embrace with the person he's closest to. Perhaps he'll never fully understand why he's been treated with so much kindness for so many years but he's grateful for it.
He takes a chance and kisses Hernan on the cheek, as further proof of how much Hernan means to him]
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Hernan smiles at Kirk's kiss to his cheek and leans forward to brush his forehead against Kirk's. ]
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Kirk will ponder these uncertainties and anxieties later though. After everything that just happened, Kirk wants to feel secure and safe again in something. Being in Hernan's arms and intimately touching each other feels right.
Hernan's smile and touches are enough for Kirk to give a small smile back. He then gentle nuzzles against him]
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They'd be okay.
Hernan smiles when Kirk nuzzles against him, arm sliding a lazy pattern up his back to comfort him and lull him to sleep. They could talk when he woke up. Right now, this is perfect. ]
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So much to think about but for now, Kirk chooses to just fall asleep in Hernan's arms]